Sunday, March 02, 2008

Pros and Cons of dating a younger man. – i.e. Cougar-time!


• He’s so hotter than hot hot that when you go to New York, everyone thinks you have crazy game.
• Sexxin, sexxin, sexxin.
• Holds you in his arms all night, and when you wake up he kisses you and says you’re soft and sweet and cute.
• Easily entertained.
• You can dress him up in your clothing and makeup, and he will get a boner.
• He calls you a million cute nicknames like bunny-tron, Angie, cute-pants.
• He can be convinced to go buy vodka at 6 am by the sole act of putting on a corset.
• Said corset guarantees total worship.
• He doesn’t mind red wings.
• He will do all the housework.
• He’s fun to get tattoos with, and will let you pick his out.
• He’s fun to do just about anything with, because he’s silly and playful, not jaded, so going to the grocery store becomes as fun as Disneyland.
• He’s fun to rent movies with, because he hasn’t seen all your favorites and thinks they sound cool.
• He doesn’t own much stuff, so when he moves in, it’s no big deal.
• When you buy him a shirt, he wears it every day until it falls off.
• Because his brain isn’t as drug-fried as yours, he can spell better.
• He will read the books you recommend


• When you go out to eat, he orders a milkshake.
• He says “psyche!”
• He calls himself “Big-balls Jackson”.
• You always pick up the check.
• He says “ass-to-mouth”, “balls-deep” and “squawk-box” like he has Tourettes,
• He looks at porn twice a day, at least.
• He plays video games all day while you work on your thesis.
• He waves his dick around while you’re trying to write this list.
• Late on rent.
• You have to convince him to move from Doc Martins to Cowboy boots.
• He doesn’t have as much baggage as you, so is more likely to get jealous/weird.
• As, within his age range, it is still possible to bag a virgin, he’s a little freaked by your multiplicity of sexual partners.
• He still thinks that not bathing makes a political statement.