The cold that I thought I had eluded, pre-featherless, had stomped me down today. The last few days have been mucous-y, coughing, mewling, unglamorous. It is always in the most busy weeks that I get sick, when "ooh, the social calendar is full!" as summer gets into full swing. Tonight Katie and I are making dinner for Gabe, Mike and Emily in thanks for their help with the reading series. I hope that I do not infect anyone in the cooking process. I also hope that I can muster the energy to clean the living fuck out of our apartment, as we have been rather neglectful of cleanliness lately....and it has suffered.
Do you ever reach a personal goal and find yourself struck by it's sheer banality? I had that experience today, twice. I reached two goals. They are both rather embarrassing to admit publicly. But, then again, blogging is all about overshare, so I shall. The first was finally weighing less than 150 lbs = I now weigh 149. Woot! The second was reaching 20 followers on my tumblr. (pathetic internet nerd that I am)
I think the fact that I had been teetering at the edge of reaching these two numbers, 149 and 20, for several weeks now, that the tension had built, and I was more excited that is perhaps warranted by such a thing. I suppose setting small, mundane, achievable goals for oneself makes those tiny victories sweeter. At least more encouraging, as opposed to waiting in the deep dark desert of the soul for the next 3-6 years to finish my next book, and then and only then will I allow myself to win at something. If, even, that is to be a win, and not a "put in drawer, leave there for ten years, start over."
Another strange thing about victories, whether large or small, is expecting things to change. Expecting the light to be different, a Disney-rama halo effect of fluttering birds of tiny unicorns to come a-swirling. As I stepped off the bathroom scale this morning, my red kimono hanging limp to my ankles, the bunny-fur clumped in the corners of the tile, there were no trumpets, there was only the bleeding light through the window. That I had woken up to early. That it was dawn.