Thursday, October 28, 2010

The smell of Katie's pumpkin pie is drifting in to me as I try to solve this damnable writer's block that has taken over the last three weeks.  No, I'm never too blocked to blog, apparently.  Blogging takes a form like vomit that flows over, impetuous, sudden, impertinent or plodding, either way it flows and then its gone.  And as I'm speaking to the void I don't usually apologize, though I will this time, for the gross metaphor.

It's almost Halloween, and the memetard lays ready for Internet suit-ed-ness.  I am somehow less excited about the holiday than I used to be, but this is usual, this is understandable.  Turning 34 - I always want to round it off to 35 - yet I cannot yet.  Why am I so eager to just be 35 and be done with it.  One is never done.  Not until death.  I am not eager for that.

What I am eager for is the pumpkin pie, the innards of our jack-o-lantards, pureed, spiced, poured in hand-pressed crust and baked.  I can smell it in the oven and I am hungry.  The pumpkin's carved met a grosser fate.  They were two.  They were carved with much enthusiasm about a week ago, then put on the porch as is traditional.  Then it rained.  For days.  They filled with mold and bugs and leprous spots of white grizzed fuzz.  Both were quickly dispatched to the trash. Ruined before Halloween, they didn't last to see the night.

Nevada, as a lion
The cat, now, the cat always get forced into costumes.  We like to do holidays thoroughly. Nevada, in her cooperative kitten way, goes along with us with a sullen meow, knowing there are treats ahead if she just tolerates the lion costume (the santa suit, the birthday dress).  We are terrible people.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

The marine layer thickens.  I spent all afternoon working on my memetard, the unitard portion of my internet Halloween costume.  I am going as the internet, and, as such, I am going to be covered in memes.  Iron-on.  Then draped with cords from Giblets' various nibblings, I feel it should be fairly amusing.

Other than that, bah.  It's a gray day.  I have lifted out of my spate of hysterical depression, and am currently just bored and apathetic, far preferable, I think.  I went to the orientation for my new tutoring job, and it seemed fairly interesting.  The hardest part is definitely going to be getting all of the paperwork right. It is strange shifting out of not working for three years into working, even part time.  There is a lot of fear involved, there is a lot of apprehension, there are a lot of irrational terrors to work through.

There are pills to deal with that.  There is also therapy, which I am now in, thankfully.

 It is grey outside.   The gnats swirl.  There were so many gnats on our toothbrushes day after day, week after week, that Katie broke down and sprayed them with RAID, and threw them away.   I did not mind.  It was time.

Monday, October 18, 2010

The wind has shifted, it's raining now.  A cold marine layer and the air conditioner seems useless as a dinosaur.  Last night's Featherless was much fun, if sparsely attended.  And the changes, so many changes.  I got a tutoring job, and had an interview for a second part-time job today.  The second job (Starbucks) I'm not sure if I'll get, but I'm feeling hopeful all the same.

Nevertheless, at this exact moment my stomach is empty and I feel too tired and listless to cook anything or do anything about dinner.  I'm drinking coffee and somehow that seems like enough.  Tonight is Wordlab, and for the first time I'm not bringing anything in, I've just had the sort of week where writing was not happening.  The amnesia novel is about three chapters now, and I haven't had time to work on it for a couple of weeks.  I've been racing around getting a TB test, putting my resume in order, getting all the bits and pieces together for my tutoring orientation, etc..

That and practicing for featherless.  I so wish more people had been there, each person that read, Mila, Diane, was their own sort of amazing.  I was ok, I did my usual over-dramatic shtick, but people laughed, and they seemed to dig the listing of potential addictions at the end.  "tobacco, orgasms, the gym, benzodiazepines and celebrity gossip."

in which I spill my guts
The rain is conspiring to keep me tired and depressed, I think.  I should be elated right now, with all of these positive changes, but instead I feel sort of blah, sort of meh.  That's okay, maybe tonight's class will re-inspire me.