Drinking vodka like it's water, which should contextualize the otherwise vomit of bitter events of the last few days. Actually, not all bitter and not all to be defamed. First up. My car got stolen from outside a friend's house, and I've been crying on my dear girlfriend's shoulder and worried I may never drive LA's fair freeways again. It really struck home when I couldn't leave the house to get a bottle, as we live all the way up on a hill, and I felt like such a teenage loser, or a mentally disabled adult in depends, unable to get my whiskey fix.
I pull the ring off. It itches. I pull it on again. I am in love.
Again and again there have been these moments that make me wish I wrote my blog entries in amicable word documents, only released when they were perfect. No, this flies out raw from the vodka maw, which is to say, unusable and likely embarassing.
But ANYWAY. I was turned away from the reading at Beyond Baroque this weekend as neither I nor my cohorts had the $5 necessary for entry. We had driven miles out to Venice, in Stephen's car, I had parked my car at his house, from whence it was to be robbed. I was so full of anticipation - Christine Wertheim puts on an amazing show! But alas, there was a cover. I was overdrawn at the time, my finances are never good and often truly humiliating for a woman of 33. I'm not exactly a functional adult if you hadn't guessed that yet. The Disability check comes and it goes to rent, bills, vodka, and that's about it, maybe a drugstore eyeliner if I'm feeling especially plush. I did get my food stamp card today.
But anyway. My feeling at the time was that I had too much dignity to spell out my long sad sob story to the long-haired teens at the register, I couldn't and wouldn't sneak in, and so Katie and Stephen and I made our way out and to a party in Orange County.